Cure: Waste your team's Mercy ult by yourself like the greedy, greedy Genji main you are.

Symptoms: Literally coughing up a lung. Or two. Or... three?! Where are all these lungs coming from?

Cure: Walk to Solstheim on the ocean's floor to drown out most of the extra lungs.

Symptoms: Procrastination in everything, Shouting fits, herbal tea addiction.

I'll think of a cure for this later, BUT ONLY AFTER I DRINK MY TEA!!!

Symptoms: Limbs are limp like wet noodles, as though the bones were removed.

Cure: Eat purple Elm branches until feeling is restored, then buy more tea.

Symptoms: Out of money from buying tea.

Cure: Make bank with a graphic design job using Comic Sans MS.

Symptoms: Can't stop typing in Comic Sans MS, no matter what font you try to change it to.

Cure: Play Undertale twice and switch to Lucida Sans. It will weaken withdrawl symptoms.

Symptoms: I can feel my sins crawling on my back...

Cure: Sin more until you're numb to it. What's the worst that can happen, you dirty brother killer?

Symptoms: Everything is plaid. Your shirt, your pants, your skin, everything. It's so plaid that it hurts to look.

Cure: look at amulti-colored strobe light until you go blind.

Syptoms: you do evertything in reverse.

.tol a sdrawkcab kaeps tsuJ :eruC

Symptoms: Came down with a case of Throat Spiders.

Cure: Imagine everything as a mole. Then realize you're haulucinating and go find a doctor.

Symptoms: My doctor is a mole.

Cure: Unless he is a dermatologist, this is not really an issue.

Symptoms: Chased by the secret society of mole people who hold the real power in the world.

Cure: Head through Blackreach and to the Tower of Mzark; retrieve the Elder Scroll. Banish the mole people for some other people 1000 years from now to deal with.

Symptoms: I'm addicted to murder, and the dancing mushrooms are judging me for my sins. 

Cure: Simply eat the mushrooms and become a masochist (that'll help witth the murder).

Symptoms: Twitch in the fingers and feeling of dislocation in the tongue.

Cure: Remove the offending body parts so that they are no longer a problem.

Symptoms: Unable to play any musical instruments despite having songs stuck in your head.