I am writing a song called FIN MAH DO ALDUIN. I will post each verse in a seperate post until the song is complete

That would be far too many posts, I think, unless you're getting feedback in between posts or you are taking more than a day to write each verse. Why not just keep it in one post and edit it whenever you write another verse?

This subject matter sounds like it would be similar to what I'm currently writing about in "Feyn do Alduin." Are you telling the story of Alduin's fall during the Dragon War, or the events of 4E201 at the hands of the Last Dragonborn?

4E201

Fin Mah do Alduin

Yol yol dovah yol,

alok voth rotte se kruziik rahgol.

Alok alok nol fin qoth,

bo ahrk ag pah faal lein.

Vulon vulon unslaad vulon,

maar los nunon fin kun,

Nos voth ag rotte do kruziik noraas.

Yol, yol, yol toor shul,

oo bo Dovahkiin.

Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, fah pruzah se Keizaal,

Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin.

Fus ro dah, Joor Zah Frul,

Vos faal Thu'um tinvaak.

Fah Dovahkiin lost bo ahrk vokul fen mah,

Vokul fen mah,

Alduin fen mah.

Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin!

Translation:

Fire, fire, dragon fire, arise with words of ancient rage.

Arise, arise, from the tomb, fly and burn all the world.

Night, night, unending night,

terror is only the light,

Strike with burning words of ancient blame,

 Yol, Yol, Yol Toor shul,

Oh come Dragonborn.

Dragonborn, Dragonborn, for the good of Skyrim,

Dragonborn, Dragonborn, by his honor is sworn.

Fus ro dah, Joor Zah Frul,

Let the Stormvoice speak,

for the Dragonborn has come and evil will fall,

Evil will fall,

Alduin will fall.

Dragonborn, Dragonborn, by his honor is sworn!

There seems to be some kind of formatting issue with this. Are you using square brackets around each line to turn the letters into runes? It may be easier to just type normally, at least until you've gotten the song to a place where you think it may benefit from the use of runes.

I notice you using a lot of untranslated English words. Dovahzul is not suited for word-for-word translations, since it has such a limited lexicon of a mere 647 words in the canon dictionary. To effectively use Dovahzul, you will need to learn how to paraphrase, improvise, and revise your statements, and use plenty of simplifications and synonyms. For example, "Wake" could be translated to alok ("arise") and "aflame" could be translated to voth yol ("with flame"). Dovahzul is a language that requires a certain degree of creativity to fully utilize, and that will come to you over time, as you increase your vocabulary and practice the language. If you haven't already, check out the Lessons available here on the site. They're a great place to start and will give you a better understanding of what to expect from this beautiful language.

As for the contents of the song itself, you seem to be using raw Thu'um in your song in ways that I personally don't believe quite fit. That's subjective, of course, but it's my opinion as a fellow songwriter. The use of a line taken directly from "The Song of the Dragonborn" is also questionable. I suppose these choices could work with certain genres of music, but it'd be a stretch. Besides, it almost definitely won't rhyme after being translated to Dovahzul. I've translated a few songs from English into Dovahzul (and posted the results in this thread), and it's quite difficult to keep the same rhyme scheme and meter as the original while retaining the same concepts in the lyrics. You'll get there eventually, but it will take a good bit of practice and training. Maybe some day you will get to the point where you won't even need to write an English version first, and you can write your songs directly in Dovahzul. I'm just starting to get there, and it's an adventure worth taking!

I have faith in your ability to join the ever-thin ranks of Dovahzul songwriters and poets. Ni los pogaan sonaan ko daar zul. I am here to help you learn more about the language if you have any questions.

Edit: Sorry for the wall of text. I'm at work and have nothing else to do at the moment. Hopefully my rambling is somehow helpful, at least.

I thank you for your input. I am very new at this and new to dovahzul in general. I literally got Skyrim for christmas and am still learnig how dovahzul works as well.

Kynarus

I thank you for your input. I am very new at this and new to dovahzul in general. I literally got Skyrim for christmas and am still learnig how dovahzul works as well.

Teysekeizaal los aan pruzah ofan! That's quite a Christmas present. I remember the first time I played through the game after deciding to learn Dovahzul. Every time I found a Word Wall during my adventures, I would stop and decode it rune by rune and word by word. I used a PDF of the dragon alphabet and the translator on this site to translate each and every Wall. This helped me greatly as I increased my vocabulary and familiarized myself with the alphabet.

I had already read through the Lessons page on here before trying to do this, which was how I was able to make sense of it all. If you're willing to take a break every now and then during your travels through Tamriel, you can learn a fair amount of the dragon language simply by reading the Word Walls!

I still advise still using the Lessons and possibly even the canon Memrise course as well. There is also another Memrise course to help you learn the dragon alphabet, if you'd like to utilize that.

Enjoy your time in the beautiful land of Skyrim, dii fahdon! We are here to help you continue to learn the divine language of the dov!

This post has been deleted.

Tinvaakbo

Fin Mah do Alduin

1 Yol yol dovah yol,

2 alok voth rot se kruziik rathgol.

3 Alok alok nol fin qoth,

4 bo ahrk hel lein voth yol.

5 Vulon vulon unslaad vulon,

6 maar los nunon fin kun,

7 Nos voth ag rot do kruziik noraas.

8 Yol, yol, yol toor shul,

9 oo bo Dovahkiin.

10 Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, fah fin sake se Keizaal,

11 Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin.

12 Fus ro dah, Joor Zah Frul,

13 Vos fin Thu'um tinvaak.

14 Fah Dovahkiin lost bo ahrk vokul fen mah,

15 Vokul fen mah,

16 Alduin fen mah.

17 Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin!

2 rotte, Rahgol, "do" sinon "se"
4 "hel nau" aal kos pruz wey "hel voth"
7 rotte
9 "Meyz" sinon "bo"
10 "Giif do Keizaal" sinon  "sake se Keizaal".
14 "Meyz" sinon "bo"

I assume you want to translate this into Dovahzul like you had originally tried, correct? There are some words and concepts here that may be tricky to translate. For example, the line "Strike with burning words of ancient blame" may need to be rewritten to better accomodate the available vocabulary of canon Dovahzul, since there is no word for "blame" or any of its synonyms as far as I'm aware. I'm not entirely sure how to change that while retaining the original meaning, but then again, I'm not an expert with the language yet.

Most of the words here have word-for-word canon translations, so that shouldn't be too much of an issue. Just rewrite the part I mentioned, see if there's any other ways to rephrase any of the other words that don't have direct translations, and remove unnecessary words. (You could get rid of articles, for example. Look at the canon Word Walls for ideas on what to remove, and check out this part of the Lessons.) After that, you should be good to go. Don't expect the end result to rhyme, as that generally only happens when it's the writer's intention from the start.

Muddic

2 rotte, Rahgol, "do" sinon "se"
4 "hel nau" aal kos pruz wey "hel voth"
7 rotte
9 "Meyz" sinon "bo"
10 "Giif do Keizaal" sinon  "sake se Keizaal".
14 "Meyz" sinon "bo"

I use "bo" instead of "meyz" because although "bo" usually means fly, it can also mean come. "Meyz" however, means become.

Hahdremro

I assume you want to translate this into Dovahzul like you had originally tried, correct? There are some words and concepts here that may be tricky to translate. For example, the line "Strike with burning words of ancient blame" may need to be rewritten to better accomodate the available vocabulary of canon Dovahzul, since there is no word for "blame" or any of its synonyms as far as I'm aware. I'm not entirely sure how to change that while retaining the original meaning, but then again, I'm not an expert with the language yet.

Most of the words here have word-for-word canon translations, so that shouldn't be too much of an issue. Just rewrite the part I mentioned, see if there's any other ways to rephrase any of the other words that don't have direct translations, and remove unnecessary words. (You could get rid of articles, for example. Look at the canon Word Walls for ideas on what to remove, and check out this part of the Lessons.) After that, you should be good to go. Don't expect the end result to rhyme, as that generally only happens when it's the writer's intention from the start.

For the words i couldnt get a canon translation, I used Legacy.

I give credit to Malukah for the first, third, and fifth lines of the song, which are my own translation of those lines from "Vokul Fen Mah".