Reythsinakke kreh Zeim venne;
Sulsinakke mah ahrk bo Zeim reythsinakke.
Kun ofan ahrk kogaan pah Laas.
Orin brit ro, nid?
Nii ofan Laas nuz Ag ahst haalvut...
Orin Brit Ro
1
 Dezonikso February 9, 2016 |
Reythsinakke kreh Zeim venne; Sulsinakke mah ahrk bo Zeim reythsinakke. Kun ofan ahrk kogaan pah Laas. Orin brit ro, nid? Nii ofan Laas nuz Ag ahst haalvut... |
by Dezonikso
February 9, 2016
|
Dezonikso February 9, 2016 |
For anyone interested, just say so and I will post the original English translation and the work I did to translate it canonically. I won't post the translation just yet, though, in case anyone would like to try their hand at the translation themselves. 50 gold to he or she who comes closest to my English by the end of next week. I am also open to name suggestions for the poem. Orin Brit Ro fits well, but there may be a better name for it. Once I post the translation, naming it should be a bit easier. |
by Dezonikso
February 9, 2016
For anyone interested, just say so and I will post the original English translation and the work I did to translate it canonically.
I won't post the translation just yet, though, in case anyone would like to try their hand at the translation themselves.
50 gold to he or she who comes closest to my English by the end of next week.
I am also open to name suggestions for the poem. Orin Brit Ro fits well, but there may be a better name for it. Once I post the translation, naming it should be a bit easier.
I won't post the translation just yet, though, in case anyone would like to try their hand at the translation themselves.
50 gold to he or she who comes closest to my English by the end of next week.
I am also open to name suggestions for the poem. Orin Brit Ro fits well, but there may be a better name for it. Once I post the translation, naming it should be a bit easier.
 paarthurnax Administrator February 9, 2016 |
I won't try to go for the original English, but here's a literal translation: Branches bend through in all winds Here are my thoughts on what could be rephrased:
Haalvut 'to touch' works really well here since it derives from haal 'hand', and you are describing sunlight and branches with sinak 'fingers'. |
by paarthurnax
February 9, 2016
I won't try to go for the original English, but here's a literal translation:
Branches bend through in all winds
Sun-rays slip and bleed through the branches.
Light gives and blesses Life.
A fully beautiful balance, no?
It gives life but burns on touch.
Here are my thoughts on what could be rephrased:
- I'm not sure what the original English is, but kreh zeim ko pah venne doesn't quite make sense and could be shortened to kreh zeim venne or kreh ko venne.
- Motmah 'to slip' is a little odd but fine. Mah 'to fall' might work better, as motmah conjures the image that light is stumbling or tripping, as though clumsy. Maybe that's what you're going for, maybe it isn't.
- Sosaal 'to bleed' is odd too. "To bleed through" has become a colloquialism in English, while sosaal is still very much associated with suffering and battle. Bo 'flow' might be more appropriate.
- Nau 'on' means 'on top of' ("on the mountain"), not 'at the moment of' or 'as a result of' ("on my signal"). Ahst 'at' is the word you'll want to use instead.
Haalvut 'to touch' works really well here since it derives from haal 'hand', and you are describing sunlight and branches with sinak 'fingers'.
|
Dezonikso February 9, 2016 |
@paarthurnax Thank you for those in depth notes. I have edited the translation accordingly and I agree it makes much more sense. As for your translation, you are very close, though perhaps someone else could come closer. It is slightly more contextual, so a guess or two MIGHT come into play when translating, but overall you came very close and almost directly translated one of the steps I've written down prior to posting. |
by Dezonikso
February 9, 2016
@paarthurnax Thank you for those in depth notes. I have edited the translation accordingly and I agree it makes much more sense. As for your translation, you are very close, though perhaps someone else could come closer. It is slightly more contextual, so a guess or two MIGHT come into play when translating, but overall you came very close and almost directly translated one of the steps I've written down prior to posting.
 Frinmulaar February 9, 2016 |
Always a delight to see poetry around here. Pruzah dunsepel. |
by Frinmulaar
February 9, 2016
Always a delight to see poetry around here. Pruzah dunsepel.
|
Dezonikso February 10, 2016 |
Pogaan kogaan, Freymulaar. I noticed some of your poetry in the forums and library already, so I figured I'd share some of mine anyway. Unslaad yah, I am also watching out for any modern(ish) songs I could try my hand at translating canonically. Hopefully I can find one soon. :) |
by Dezonikso
February 10, 2016
Pogaan kogaan, Freymulaar. I noticed some of your poetry in the forums and library already, so I figured I'd share some of mine anyway. Unslaad yah, I am also watching out for any modern(ish) songs I could try my hand at translating canonically. Hopefully I can find one soon. :)
 onikmey February 10, 2016 |
the line with orin brit ro could mean something along the lines of "ironic, no?" in english. |
by onikmey
February 10, 2016
the line with orin brit ro could mean something along the lines of "ironic, no?" in english.
|
Dezonikso February 11, 2016 |
@onikmey astute observation. Meyz onikiv, you are getting closer. |
by Dezonikso
February 11, 2016
@onikmey astute observation. Meyz onikiv, you are getting closer.
|
Dezonikso February 17, 2016 |
I have upped the reward to 80g, as @DovahKiinZaan is insistent upon assisting with the reward. The deadline to post translations is Saturday at noon EST. That is when I will be rewarding the closest translator. Pruzah pel, fahdonne. |
by Dezonikso
February 17, 2016
I have upped the reward to 80g, as @DovahKiinZaan is insistent upon assisting with the reward. The deadline to post translations is Saturday at noon EST. That is when I will be rewarding the closest translator. Pruzah pel, fahdonne.
|
Frinmulaar February 17, 2016 |
Putting together all that has been said so far: Branches bend through all the winds |
by Frinmulaar
February 17, 2016
Putting together all that has been said so far:
Branches bend through all the winds
Sun-rays slip and bleed through the branches
Light gives and blesses all Life.
Ironic, isn't it?
It gives life but burns on touch...
|
Dezonikso February 17, 2016 |
Pruzah mindolle. It all seems correct, save that first line, @Freymulaar. My only suggestion would be to think less literally about translating it and more... figuratively, I guess (for lack of a better word) about the tree and the light. I will say this, I feel it would be really farfetched if I were to expect anybody (even Akatosh himself) to know my exact English wording, but anybody who wishes to translate this, do consider moving words and phrases around within each line, and perhaps think of what many things each word may mean and how it would all fit together. |
by Dezonikso
February 17, 2016
Pruzah mindolle. It all seems correct, save that first line, @Freymulaar. My only suggestion would be to think less literally about translating it and more... figuratively, I guess (for lack of a better word) about the tree and the light. I will say this, I feel it would be really farfetched if I were to expect anybody (even Akatosh himself) to know my exact English wording, but anybody who wishes to translate this, do consider moving words and phrases around within each line, and perhaps think of what many things each word may mean and how it would all fit together.
 Lovaasaar February 18, 2016 |
I Like it, very interesting use of plurals as well. |
by Lovaasaar
February 18, 2016
I Like it, very interesting use of plurals as well.
|
Dezonikso February 22, 2016 |
Drem Yol Lok, pah fahdonne. I apologize for not staying true to my deadline of Saturday, for I had last minute plans that I was busy with instead of checking on this post. I will say that @paarthurnax was the closest and therefore shall receive the reward if he will accept. But I will not, however, yet post the answers if anybody else would like a turn translating tonight. I will post them some time tomorrow, though, if one of you reminds me. Pogaan Kogaan fah mindolle. I appreciate all who participated in the discussion and translating of the poem. I hope to make this a regular thing, possibly once a month or so, in case anybody found this particularly enjoyable. I do enjoy posting my poetry and other works, and I enjoy writing and speaking in Dovahzul. I hope you all enjoyed, and I hope to see you all again. ~Dez |
by Dezonikso
February 22, 2016
Drem Yol Lok, pah fahdonne. I apologize for not staying true to my deadline of Saturday, for I had last minute plans that I was busy with instead of checking on this post. I will say that @paarthurnax was the closest and therefore shall receive the reward if he will accept. But I will not, however, yet post the answers if anybody else would like a turn translating tonight. I will post them some time tomorrow, though, if one of you reminds me. Pogaan Kogaan fah mindolle. I appreciate all who participated in the discussion and translating of the poem. I hope to make this a regular thing, possibly once a month or so, in case anybody found this particularly enjoyable. I do enjoy posting my poetry and other works, and I enjoy writing and speaking in Dovahzul. I hope you all enjoyed, and I hope to see you all again.
~Dez
~Dez
|
Dezonikso February 25, 2016 |
Unslaad krosis... unfortunately nobody seems to want to translate anymore, so I'm just going to post my original English poem and the steps I took to translate. |
by Dezonikso
February 25, 2016
Unslaad krosis... unfortunately nobody seems to want to translate anymore, so I'm just going to post my original English poem and the steps I took to translate.
|
Dezonikso February 25, 2016 |
Branches spindle off in all directions. The sun rays slip and seep through the twigs. Life is given and grown by the light. Ironic, isn't it? How that which gives life burns when too close. Branches spindle off in all directions Sun rays slip and seep through twigs Life given and grown by light Fully beautiful balance, is it not? It gives life but burns when close Tree-fingers twist beyond currents Sun-fingers fall and flow through tree-fingers Light gives and blesses all life A fully beautiful balance, no? It gives life but burns at touch Reythsinakke kreh Zeim venne; Sulsinakke mah ahrk bo Zeim reythsinakke. Kun ofan ahrk kogaan pah Laas. Orin brit ro, nid? Nii ofan Laas nuz Ag ahst haalvut... |
by Dezonikso
February 25, 2016
Branches spindle off in all directions.
The sun rays slip and seep through the twigs.
Life is given and grown by the light.
Ironic, isn't it?
How that which gives life burns when too close.
Branches spindle off in all directions
Sun rays slip and seep through twigs
Life given and grown by light
Fully beautiful balance, is it not?
It gives life but burns when close
Tree-fingers twist beyond currents
Sun-fingers fall and flow through tree-fingers
Light gives and blesses all life
A fully beautiful balance, no?
It gives life but burns at touch
Reythsinakke kreh Zeim venne;
Sulsinakke mah ahrk bo Zeim reythsinakke.
Kun ofan ahrk kogaan pah Laas.
Orin brit ro, nid?
Nii ofan Laas nuz Ag ahst haalvut...
The sun rays slip and seep through the twigs.
Life is given and grown by the light.
Ironic, isn't it?
How that which gives life burns when too close.
Branches spindle off in all directions
Sun rays slip and seep through twigs
Life given and grown by light
Fully beautiful balance, is it not?
It gives life but burns when close
Tree-fingers twist beyond currents
Sun-fingers fall and flow through tree-fingers
Light gives and blesses all life
A fully beautiful balance, no?
It gives life but burns at touch
Reythsinakke kreh Zeim venne;
Sulsinakke mah ahrk bo Zeim reythsinakke.
Kun ofan ahrk kogaan pah Laas.
Orin brit ro, nid?
Nii ofan Laas nuz Ag ahst haalvut...
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