I thought i might start up a joke thread because, who doesn't want a good laugh?

please keep jokes clean and Skyrim related

Here are some to get it going:

Why did the redguard's foot hurt? because his Hammerfell.   

Who can enter the Emperor's chamber? Nobody Septim.  

Why did the dragon have skooma? Because his friends were Alduin it too.      

Why did the breton not participate in combat? Because he let his Daggerfall off a cliff. 

What did the dunmer weather-man say? "rain today, to Morrowind."   

What do the Daedra make their clothes out of? Mala-cloth.    

Why couldn't the Khajiit go to the party? Cause he had to be Elsweyr.    

What do you call a dragon abortion? Drag-un-born.   

What did the dragonborn say to the bandits that tried to escape on a boat?

"Fools, row, die!"

Frinmulaar

"Fools, row, die!"

Is now a new shout. Located at the Wreck of the Icerunner.

A Breton invented a new genre of music when they tried to play an untuned lute after having some Skooma, Highrock

Trying to return a lost item to it's rightful owner...

"You have committed crimes aganist Skyrim and her people. What say in your defense?"

Nazeem

What do you call a wood elf sport?

Canniball

@Kron Lydia's movement AI

Bethesda Games Studios should probably fire their helecopter camera man. Ominously carving of some dragons. Carmer man running through the forest, slow zoom on a carving of Gandalf and his friends. Confused dragong to mate with some birds.

This one is actually from an Elder Scrolls game:

A big Nord named Julgen was set on by a gang of thieves. He fought them furiously, but in the end, they beat him into semiconsciousness. They searched his pockets and discovered that he only had three gold pieces on him.

 "Do you mean to tell us you fought us like a mad lupe for three lousy gold pieces?" sneered one of the thieves. 

"No," answered Julgen. "I was afraid you were after the four hundred gold pieces in my boot."

Well, I forgot the beginning of the joke, but the end goes:

"And he says to the man: 'That's not a Horker! That's my wife!'"